Not your typical missed connection

West Richland WA

Description

This will probably be flagged....because everything is flagged here. But I needed somewhere to just get this off my chest. And who knows, maybe someone in a similar situation will see this and see that they aren't the only one out there struggling. Here's the down low...I've been married for about 9 or so years but we've known each other for11. Things were good for awhile, until they weren't. Over the years, especially after we had kids together, I've felt like we've just floated apart. I'm missing my connection. I never thought that I'd be the one that would be in this situation. "That's totally something other people go through. That would never be me." Wrong. I'm miserable most days when I get home. I enjoy the times she is out running errands or out with friends. Just that little bit of silence to myself, without anyone bothering me. I never thought I'd be the one being complaining about nagging. I don't even like that word, yet here I am. I think I'm a great husband and partner, as well as an awesome father. I always put their needs above my own. I always do my part around the house. I always help with all the chores and I make dinner a majority of the time. I'm not bragging, I just always make sure that I'm doing my part in this relationship. Yet, somehow, I'm always messing up. I put something in the garbage that was supposed to be in the recycling. I accidentally didn't close the refrigerator all the way. I used too many dishes when I cooked dinner. I gave the dog too much food one night. It's exhausting and it's constant. I have a hard time dealing with it now a days. In the beginning it was easy to look past. After years of enduring it, it's not so easy anymore. Another thing that I never thought I'd be dealing with is a dead bedroom. This also started to decline once we had kids. We've had many discussion about it, but it never gets better. Once every few months is just not cutting it for me. I don't even know how to initiate it anymore, because everything I've tried is usually shot down. I hardly even try at this point. I feel like I'm just floating most days. Some days are good and I'm happy, but there are a lot of days I just think I need to pull the plug on this relationship. I just worry about my children most of all. Fathers tend to get the shaft a lot of the time and I can't stand the thought of not being able to see him every day. So there is my lost connection. Every day I feel like I've lost my connection and I don't know how to get it back.