Relinquishing my oars to sea

Orange CA

Description

I liken my situation to being adrift in the middle of a vast ocean on a dilapidated raft that's soon to vanish into the imposing water. I ask myself if I would ever truly give up my only means to propel myself forward and just allow myself to be swallowed up by the sea. But, there's always something that stops me from doing that. So, I continue to row my makeshift oars in hopes that I will find refuge. The ocean is immense, more than anyone could ever know. Only the universe surpasses its size. I think the reason why I don't give up is, because despite the overwhelming odds and regardless of how many times the sea's waves crash down on me, I know there's still a miniscule chance that I will have what I longed for all this time. Sometimes in moments of doubt, I wonder if there's a possibility of anything between you and I. You're such a beautiful, free spirit. You carry yourself with the highest degree of confidence and finesse. You're highly aesthetic appearance makes you appealing to anyone you choose that's available as a potential partner. But, if there's even a slight probability that we could forge a connection together...that's why I'm still here. Rowing my oars, drifting ever so slowly towards any sign of salvation. I think I might have inadvertently come out into the open last time and I was taken by surprise. There was no response, so I think you took it as a win for yourself that I revealed something about myself, if it was really you I wrote. I got to see you one more time and as always I was paralyzed as ever to make even a slight gesture of acknowledgement in your direction. That's just a shame, because there's so many times I wish I could open up the macrocosm of my mind to your senses.