Man losing woman - A tragic end-of-love story

Portland OR

Description

You'll never see this but it needs to be said. We've been seeing each other since October of 2013 and it's definitely been a roller coaster ride. I've been there for you as much as a secret lover can be through so many things - you were assaulted, had brain surgery, got herpes and gave it to me - I loved you too much to be mad at you for that - and so many personal/family/marital problems but my shoulder was always there to lean on. When you were worried about turning 50 we were spooning after love-making and you asked "what's going to happen to me?". I held you tighter, kissed the back of your neck and said "you'll get even better". I admit it was a corny answer, but it was true and you have. Over the years you've gained weight and you're very self conscious about it - but I LOVE IT! I've told you so many times you're beautiful and I love every inch and every ounce! I think about you all the time, I hate my life and our relationship is the only good thing about being alive. Because of the nature of our relationship communication is difficult but I've always tried to send thinking-of-you texts - for a long time I sent one every day but gave up after getting so few responses. An occasional text is not that hard. We talk on the phone but the conversations aren't very personal and intimate any more. Have I been friend zoned? Over the years I've been ignored for months at a time, left thinking we must be done, then suddenly we're back together. During the last year I've seen you in person three times - once because I went to where you were working to see you, the other two times you stopped at my work to pick up money I was giving you to help with your business. I could go on and on but we seem to be done, I just don't know how (have the strength?) to end it or what I'm going to do without you.