needed to be vulnerable

Boston MA

Description

On the outside, people see beauty and softness But truly I feel none of that I smile and say the socially acceptable things I am soft as my mother raised me to be But my past haunts me 24/7 I go from feelings of extreme anxiety to rage to numbness all in a day, back and forth I say nothing because nothing anyone says will undo what's been done Additionally, I cherish my privacy It's not depression This is just me I have nightmares every night I wake up put on my make up and a smile I put on a mask for the people around me I pretend but inside I just feel so angry or either extremely anxious I'm supposed to start this EMDR and I'm hopeful but at the same time terrified What if all those nightmare are real? I'm not sure I want to remember who in my family violated me as a child But if EMDR can give me rest at night, I think it's worth trying Just needed to say my thoughts without actually saying them out loud No needed for responses, truly