Rainbow Thong - Urgent

Bend OR

Description

I don’t even know where to start. It was a warm august afternoon around 1:15. Thank God I decided to go to the river with my old lady. We were down at millers landing enjoying our favorite recreational swimming spot. As floaters passed by we noticed an object coming our way roughly 100 yards upriver. The reflection made my vision blurry. I forgot to bring my polarized Maui Jim’s, silly me. My wife and I called out what we thought it might be: a water bottle, a log, a stray accessory to somebody’s floatation device. All guesses were wrong. Our worst fears rushed over us. It was size 9 left footed, rainbow brand, brown, leather, thong. I quickly jumped into action risking the fast current to recover it. I sprang up and looked around to see if I could find the owner holding the flip flop high above my head. Nothing. A bunch of double-shoed sailors surrounded me. I did what anybody else would do to be a helpful member of this great community: I stood in the river for 2 hours and waited for the original wearer. I hate to admit it but the smell of backyard hot dogs overwhelmed me to the point that I had to leave. I decided to take it home to keep it safe until I found the owner. If you are the one missing it, I assure you, the thong is safe and sound and will be until you find this. I’m no hero, but I lost a thong when I was 11 and I know the agony involved in losing a good shoe. If you have any leads, or see any people in town walking around with only one flip flop, or one-legged amputees, I urge you to PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING: CALL ME IMMEDIATELY. Photos are encouraged. Please be as descriptive as possible. Geographic coordinates, time stamps, sketches, and witness testimony are all helpful. All information regarding this case will be documented. The file is officially open. Time is ticking. Let’s get this thong back home. We will keep you all undated.