I was an eeediot

Minneapolis MN

Description

It’s been a long time Tatiana, but maybe you still lurk here. Maybe you’d still like to talk. I hope your memories of me aren’t all bad. When we started dating, I was not in a good place. It was easy to hide at first, because you made me feel important. You made me feel everything again. You have a real gift for making people feel good about themselves. I know that I made you feel like shit in return. I developed a petty vindictiveness that I didn’t know I was capable of. I was afraid of rejection, and I know I pushed you way too far with my stupid mind games. In the end, it was just easier to pretend that I didn’t care. Telling you to move on, and mocking you for your vulnerability at the worst possible time are two of my biggest regrets. Our last text exchange haunts me. I will likely never feel what I felt for you, with anyone else, no matter what I said or did otherwise. Do you remember our first date after Mac’s? You said you needed to catch a bus, and I offered to drive us around instead. I enjoyed your company of course, but I desperately wanted to try and kiss you. As nervous as I was, I did. The calmness and stillness of that moment is tattooed into my brain. I know it’s a bit of a cop out, but the timing just wasn’t kind. I couldn’t admit anything to myself, despite you calling out my utter bullshit. And I hurt you, and I’m sorry. You’re right though: You were way too good for me. You likely still are. Not everyone has the courage or kindness within them to be as transparent as you though. Honestly, most people just aren’t like that, but I hope that my past behavior didn’t put out that light in you. I’ll always have the random and vivid memories, in spite of everything that I allowed to go wrong, and away. I can’t find you online, but I would love to see you. Bran