Wishing you never happened

Sacramento CA

Description

I didn't listen when I was warned about you.... Bcuz I wanted access to your money, your drugs.... Your generosity with regards to both are limitless. Now I understand why... It's the only way to keep someone from walking away more easily. You are calculating and by far the most narcissistic person I have ever subjected myself to and I regret every moment of these past 4 years. I cannot believe how much time I have wasted lying to myself that you meant even so much as 1 word from your mouth, when I have known from day 1 the type of person you were. But again, my intentions were fully selfish in wanting whatever I could get from you for free. The things we do and accept in order to feed addiction.... It's such an ugly struggle. To think I could have avoided all of this if only I had done what I was being told to do. I knew the consequences of my disobedience would be hefty but I never could have imagined how hefty. It has cost me all of who I am and what's left is a very cold, distant and emotionally detached shell of what once was my person. I am to blame, I made my own choices so crying about it isn't happening. I see it for what it is and I am trying to bravely maneuver my way through the mess in hopes that there is some small part of me still alive and able to move on and be happy again. This post is for me. I feel like putting my words out there in the world will return with some positivity. Words have the ability to bring life as well as death to ones spirit. I'm trying anything I can to crawl my way out of these ashes and leave you far behind me. You are the biggest mistake of my life and I find nothing I like about who you are. If you do happen upon this and know it's about you then please stop trying to put yourself in front of me. Stop showing up uninvited and trying to make me aware you are there somewhere. Stop harassing me and stalking me. Stop threatening me bcuz I am avoiding you. Go sink your twisted perverted claws into someone else who would be easier to control at this point then me. I hear you driving by my house as I write this... I always feel you are lurking somewhere and I'm never safe. You need to go away. You make me miserable and full of hatred. I'm tired of hating you.