Description
It's been five months since she left and I've cried every day since. Tears subsiding, on the verge of words. She died in my care, abandoning me with such shared feelings of helplessness and inadequacy. Not being able to hold on anymore, the greatest failure. I didn't move for days. I didn't eat. My only friend and lover of more than a decade was gone, and I'd never been so isolated in my life. It was five days before anyone gave me a hug. It was a month before I even started to function again, and since then I've just been putting the pieces of my life back together again slowly, working as I can, eating, sleeping, and working some more. Music is my therapy, and I have started long daily walks again. But as for relationships, my confidence is broken. I'm needy and trapped. I saw the geese fly north and I feel the Summer coming in these nice days, but I'm not there yet. Opportunities pass me by while I reminisce about the past and dream of a better future, numbed by reality. And this, I am writing just to say, I won't be gone forever. I know that.
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