nosy/noisy, al pastor & the other side of "what if"

Aurora, Austin TX

Description

I am feeling some jealousy-in-jest of the strangers currently eating the al pastor you cooked that I had just a taste of today. Mouth watering, like most everything you make. I regretted not having some pineapple in my bites. I had a conversation with myself as I left, while our baby chanted in the back seat "daDa daDa Dada wee woooo yeah yeah" and clapping-- wondering if I, if we... would always have just a taste. I wept in the Target parking lot, baby asleep in her car seat. A little window in, some laughter shared, meandering conversations, meals, milestones. Both of us, committed to doing "the right thing", for our little girl, and for one another. Both of us, separately, wondering about what we miss out on the other side of "what if". I guess that is okay, or it has to be. The ache of desire will mellow one of these days. Seasons, years will start to blur together until we are different, softer, tumbled by the grief of time and the stretch of living (hopefully, of living well). Humility becomes us, as our work thickens and hands are full. "I love you more now than I have ever loved you." Same.