Fiddle Leaf Fig-less

Salt Lake City UT

Description

It was the last decent looking fiddle leaf fig left on the Costco pallets. I came over from the entrance/electronics section and you came from the chips and snacks. We both put our hand on the same plant at the same time. I was trying to be kind, so I said you could have it. You smiled and thanked me, and I warned you that if you killed it then the fig would turn evil and come back to haunt you. It was supposed to be a joke to break the ice, but you clutched the small cross on your necklace, looked directly to the right of me (where nobody was standing), and whispered, “He knows.” Before I could ask you what the heck that meant, you beelined it for the food court, picked up someone else’s chicken bake, and fast walked out of there. It made me feel like the fiddle leaf fig might’ve been cursed or had a malignant soul, so I left Costco fiddle leaf fig-less, too. But my efforts were in vain. Ever since our run-in I’ve had fungus gnats pop up in my home, infesting my plants. What happened? Who were you talking to when you said, “He knows,” and what did I know?? Reply with the bag of chips you were holding before you dropped them to clutch your cross. That’s the only way I’ll believe it’s really you.