It isn't becoming

Los Gatos CA

Description

Since it is hard for you to listen to me directly, maybe you would read this and actually hear me. I say that because I have come to realize that you have been messing with me online. Just for the record, that profile and that post both came after I saw the pictures you posted of the both of you. Projecting? Not at all. I reacted. Not in the healthiest way but, it was just a reaction. After all, it was so easy for you to move on. I thought I was trying to do the same. The post where I am asking for someone to show me how to be more. I posted it right after I saw the pictures. You should look at the date because I don't know when it was. Well that post was actually about you and I. Even though you were already gone. Do you think I would want to do something I am not comfortable doing, with a stranger? I was just trying to be better because, I am still going over how I was never enough. I was told, again and again, how I was never enough. You made it very clear. I replay all the ways you said it, in my head to this day. You subtly mentioned that you had read all of the narcissist stuff. I assumed you meant in your DSM-5 or somewhere else. I didn't think that you had been reading everything I had posted on that profile for the last year. I didn't think that if you did, you would want to use that information against me. But you did. As I went through the texts I saw how you gaslit and manipulated every word. Why kick a dead horse? Do I not seem down enough for you? What are you getting from all of this? I would never do anything like that to you. You must not be getting the help you say you are, or at least aren't honest with your therapist. I wish you could. I want you to heal too. I imagine us in another life. We could find each other again. Maybe we aren't as broken as we are now. And we could truly have the love story that I saw in us. Maybe our story would have a different end. For now though I am healing and becoming whole again. I want to ask you, if you ever felt anything for me, please stop.