S###y

Maybrook NY

Description

I promised to not contact you now your married to another. But, I figured this isn't contacting you, but just hoping you may see me pour my heart out in public here. I don't ever want it forgotten that if something were to ever unfortunately change with what you have now, that I would drop everything to crawl back to you if you would have me!!!! You accused me of being wishy/washy,, and you were right. I told you change, especially after soooo many years, was very hard for me. I had so many variables smacking me all at once at that time, that also led me to all the decisions (including us) I made. I came to learn and suffer from the path that I thought I had to choose which was so wrong! I loved you so much, that never changed, nor will!! But along with me being afraid of change, I also truly believed at that time I was making the right decision letting you go. I did not want to be a downer and burden to you in such an early time in our relationship. I did not want you to see me in any way less than a strong man, protector, someone to look to for security, etc, and I knew where I was going to spiral. I told you last time I saw you nothing was going to stop me coming back for you. But I never acted on that, because due to still going through the hardships that began for me then, I have not felt worthy of you. I still don't yet. Not that it matters now. But, I wish I let you stay by me! I know you would have. I so needed and need your personality, your smile, your touch of you hand in mine, your love,, just the way we were together,, and your strength to keep me from the ruts I been in. I know now that you would of kept me from the lows I been reaching. I know now that having the right partner in life makes all the difference in the world with how you face and accept the world. These past years I learned that Having you beside me would made day to day life better than they were and are! I am rambling, maybe sounding like making excuses for then,,but,, I just want you to know I am suffering severely from my bad choices in life, walking away from you was the BIGGEST! I think of and miss you and us every day! I meant it when I said I will go to my grave loving you!! I just hope, maybe once in a while, you may think of me!? Now, some lucky guy gets to hold you, love you, feel your love and glance over to you at any time to just gaze into your beautiful always smiling eyes. I truly hope he knows the goldmine he fell into finding you! God I miss you!