I'm sorry R

Albuquerque NM

Description

I feel bad now… I just dropped a bomb on you and left, didn’t I? The whole one-day thing is because it’s hard for me to not just keep reaching out. Clearly, I am struggling to not reach out again. Are you okay? I just wanted you to know I’m not mad, I don’t hate you, I’ve moved on (I think). I’m okay now. When you didn’t deny it? I was surprised and kind of hurt… Woah, shit, that made it a little more real. I should hate you, shouldn't I? I wish we could be friends. I miss having friends, especially when I’m not doing good mentally, which I kind of fucked up and made it bad. But I’m terrified you’d do it out of pity, not a desire to actually be my friend. It could never be more, and I still don’t know if you could handle that. It wouldn’t be the same as it once was anyway, would it? I’m no longer your focus, I’m just a blip in your past. I’m the one with too much time to ponder it all… Maybe I just need attention? I could talk. Friends maybe. But I’m terrified of getting hurt again. I get too attached to friends as it turns out. Can’t make them either, it’s terrible. Honestly? I think I had let go of you. I was done. Then one day you popped back up. I ignored it for months. Then I had a moment… and I did it. I don’t regret it, not yet anyway. Now I can’t seem to bring myself to let go again just yet. Maybe I’m not handling this as well as I thought… I’m sorry. Is this a long shot? Yeah, but at least I put it out there, got to write it out. Insomnia ramble