T Beezy

Joplin MO

Description

Did you write that thoughtful post about the veggie pizza and movies? You know veggie pizza is my favorite, and I can handle cheese sometimes now with a Lactaid. I’m doing so much better now. I’m sorry if me writing here upsets you, it’s mostly a cathartic exercise for me now. I never expect to hear from you, but I like having conversations with you in this hypothetical way— sending messages into the ether and hoping you’ll grab one like a feather floating by. I don’t care if you respond, I don’t know what you would say. I never have. That’s what was great about you, but simultaneously tore me up. You were an enigma. You still are! And I guess always will be! But I’m ok with it now. I love that moment in time for us. I save it like an insect trapped in the amber of my memory. Singing the Turtles to you in the shower, you leaning in to kiss me the first time, you giving me nicknames. It was all so good and pure and real. I believe that. I’m sorry if it was me that corrupted it. I mean, I know I did in plenty of ways, but I hope you see how it happened. I hope you grew from it, too. I’ll always feel so special when I think of you carrying me around in the pool all afternoon at your friend’s surprise party. That’s my lasting memory of you. That’s the one I choose to keep.