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Dear Donald,
You wife is doing the head of her Secret Service Detail.
When she's not doing him, she's boffing the Assistant Pro at your golf course. And before that, she was bumping uglies with your son Donny Jr.
It's Christmas Day, just do it. Load up that gold plated Dessert Eagle.50 cal. and give America an unforgetable Christmas gift.
Signed,
The American People
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