Why I talk to strangers

Walla Walla WA

Description

To the woman who was shopping for ski pants at the thrift store... Thank you for being polite and courteous and friendly. I don’t know if you know it, but you are a rarity among women these days. To be honest, I am not just writing this to you. I am also writing this to the world, but particularly to women who have forgotten or never learned that it is okay to be polite and exchange conversations with strangers. In this day when people often complain about having to do everything online, you allowed yourself to connect with another human in a very appropriate way by being polite and friendly in a real-life environment. Thank you for taking the risk to be kind in this day and age. Now for the rest of you… Perhaps I should tell you what happened and why it is important. I was shopping downtown, and I decided to pop into the thrift store for some ski pants. When I got there, there was a very attractive woman pushing a cart with kids and I think either her mother or mother-in-law in tow. The woman had collected every decent pair of ski pants in her cart. I noticed she wore a wedding ring. She was either middle aged or close to. And it was clear she was buying pants for everyone in her family, including her husband. I joked, “Looks like you scooped up all the good ones.” She smiled and said something back. I can’t even remember what. But the point is she smiled and she was polite. I appreciated that. Then as we buzzed around the rack, I tried my best to stay on the opposite end. I didn’t want her to think I was trying to make a move. I wanted the woman to feel comfortable. (She probably gets lots of unwanted attention as she was a very attractive mom.) But it was a small rack. And we couldn’t help but cross paths. At one point, the woman got into a debate with her mother over whether a certain pair of pants on the rack was waterproof. After a slight banter back and forth between the two, I interjected to the mother and told her that in fact her daughter was correct, the pants were not waterproof. I think her mother thought I was trying to make a move on her daughter, but I was just being friendly. Anyway, it wasn’t long before the mother said something to her daughter and made sure to use the word “husband” loud and clear. Perhaps the mother thought I was trying to make a move on her daughter. I wasn’t. I chuckled inside. To be honest, if the woman didn’t have a ring on, I might have tried to strike up a conversation. But she did have on a wedding ring, and I respect that immensely. Anyway, the woman moved on to a different part of the store. Then as I was leaving the ski pants rack, the woman came back and handed me a pair of ski pants that were previously in her cart. She added that she didn’t really think they would fit her husband. She could have just put them back on the rack as she was headed that way. But, instead, she showed me kindness. Random acts of kindness to strangers are what the world needs most right now. Her actions made me feel like a wanted part of the human race. And the ski pants fit. I bought them. I would stop here, but there is more to this show of kindness and the message I am trying to get across. You see, before cell phones and the internet, before facebook and twitter, before online dating and swiping right or left, men and women who were strangers talked to each other. If a woman had a book on the bus, that was often the invitation to ask her what it was about. If you were in line at the bank (which happened a lot before online banking and direct deposit), you could hold small conversations about everything from the weather, to sports to her beautiful shoes. It was a different world. Men and women who didn’t know each other knew how to converse without feeling threatened. And when it came time to determine if the conversation would go further, the man would simply ask the woman for her number. If she was open giving it, the man would scramble for a pen and paper. He might write her number down on an envelope, a napkin or even a matchbook. (Yes. That line from Jim Croce’s “Operator” really did used to happen.) If she wasn’t interested, she would usually respond with a smile and say, “I am dating someone right now, but thanks for asking.” It was understood that her reply could be the truth or a lie. More importantly, her response would allow the man to save face. Heck, the two could still talk and laugh and share thoughts. It wasn’t awkward. It was natural. It was expected. It was good. So what happened? When did men and women lose the gift of gab? When did “I am dating someone right now, but thanks for asking” turn into “No. I don’t think so”? (Yes. I got that one recently.) I will tell you what happened. We got closed up into a world of online communication, including online dating, and swiping right and left, and never really caring about the other person’s feelings. So who is to blame? Men? Women? The online dating apps? It doesn’t matter who is to blame. The fact is you have the power to change what has happened, to make our world a better place. You still have the gift of gab deep inside you. And it can be used with strangers. All you have to do is be willing to smile and share a few words. And if he asks you for a number and you are not interested, then say you have a boyfriend, regardless of whether you do or don’t. This world is harsh. Why do we have to be harsh to strangers who just want to connect? We don’t. We can be kind. So, thank you to all the people who are willing to share a kind word with a stranger. One day, I hope men and women, strangers, can again share their thoughts and meet in the real world. One day I hope we stop relying on dating sites. One day I hope that we bring back the serendipity of conversations with strangers.