David, the love of my life

Portland OR

Description

Dear bobcat- You live far away now, but I guess you've always been far. It used to take me 5.5 hours to drive down to you at Shasta. Now you are perhaps equidistant up in WA. Why, after all this time, do I still love you? I love you with more quiet ferocity than ever before. It is as if our distance has only fueled my magnetism. I have tried to love another. I have been seeing someone on and off for about a year. Just last night, he told me he was thinking of another as we sat around a fire. I said, that's okay, "I'm always thinking of David." He says, "Who is David? Is that the love of your life? Why have you never spoke of him?" I start to cry and reply, "because that's how close I've allowed you to get to me." Like a cool, icy pain between my lungs, my heart is closed. What does this statement tell me? That I've been wasting my time with superficial connection. That I have tried to place a bandaid over a would that can only be healed with time and self-love. That I am, without a doubt, still in love with you. I don't believe my feelings will ever cease. We are approaching the 3 year mark of the height of our shared love together, a number that makes me look towards my progress for comfort. Mainly, I am sorry for the hurt that I caused you in the past. I am sorry for breaking things off due to my insatiable addiction and lack of communication. I am, however, grateful to have known passionate love with you during my short time here on this earth. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for still being my friend after all this time. You are truly a brilliant, shining, joyous being. May your days be filled with ease, peace and gratitude for your many gifts.