I tried

610 Pacific Ave Apt 7, Santa Cruz CA

Description

I tried to help you remember me. You taunted me and laughed at me while I cried, begging to be included. I knew you weren't the man I'd loved in that moment. I knew he was dead for the time being. I knew I would disappear. I might go to New York or Paris. I need to go to Yosemite. You were horrible to me. For months. I excused it because of your diagnosis but you didn't get better before you went to far. And you broke my heart. I won't have to wake up to your resentment and hatred towards me every day. I don't miss you. I miss the old you. I dream of the old you. Sometimes I wonder if that was all a facade. You seem to do good at fitting in and agreeing with the people around you. Maybe you just wanted to waste some time with me so you pretended to love the outdoors and adventuring with me, maybe you never cared about my short stories or the books I liked. Maybe you never cared about me. That's what happened last night. And it was the first time I couldn't deny it. I thought my first ex would be the cruelest man I dated, for gods sake he wanted to shoot me. But you hurt worse somehow. You made me think you cared, you made me feel insane. Madness never kept me sane, madness drove me mad and I will never look at you the same. I will never look at you again. I just wanted our nights eating Chinese takeout on the floor back. I was at peace with you. In a crappy apartment. That you made me hate. And I know you won't care that you hurt me. And I know you won't fight for me back. And I don't know when you'll remember me now that Ive had to leave. I hope I find happiness, I hope someone will love me for me and will talk to me, I just wanted to be heard, listened to, no one ever fucking listens. You won't read this because I know you don't care about it anymore. I'm sure by now you've already moved on, but if you do, I've blocked your email so don't bother.