Venting not sure if this helps

Newark NJ

Description

I have bipolar disorder I find my thoughts racing and I'm starting to look to far into things. I don't believe the things people tell me and I have isolated myself from my friends. I call my immediate family but they are either busy or they don't respond. Me and my ex girlfriend have reconnected quite a bit but I feel that she doesnt really want me, I think she just likes that I'm very supportive of her she doesn't have to second guess things with me. I have deleted numbers from the women I have interacted with over the summer. I got tired of feeling like I have to get people to like me instead of people just liking me. I get tired of feeling like I'm available to others while I have to sit and wait for them to be available. I get tired of feeling like I'm unwanted and just tolerated. I want to crawl in a hole a deep dark hole but I understand I have things to do. I'm just tired of feel like I don't matter to people like I'm not someone who should be put on a pedestal. I'm just unhappy with myself. Alot of days I'm unsure what to do.