Just venting

Newark NJ

Description

I deal with Bipolar Disorder so I often feel paranoid especially when my thoughts are racing. So I'm just posting this cause talking to people tends to be a struggle. Me and my ex girlfriend have reconnected. We have been really intimate and I'm planning a romantic date for her on October 9th that I'm sure she will enjoy. The problem is we are still entertaining conversation with other people. I know she doesn't want to get back into a committed relationship right now. She spent 7 years with her son's father, 3 years with me basically her 20s are gone being in relationships. While we express how we love one another I know she feels some kinda way about a situation she was in with a guy over the summer. Basically she started to like him but he was very detached. It also didn't help that me and her were still messing around and I would have emotional episodes. I have recently gotten therapy and helping myself but I find myself doubting the situation. I do alot of stuff and go out of my way for her just to show her but I feel like I'm playing myself out. Maybe I just want her to show more effort to show me she love me, wants me, not just saying it. I don't want to feel like us enjoying each other's company is enough. I'm not sure what I actually want from her I just feel so damn dissatisfied and maybe it's just that I don't want to be dealing with other women. I don't want her entertaining conversations with other men. I just feel like nothing will be enough and I will create a situation that will lead to us nothing being bothered with one another. That thought breaks me and it just makes me want to try harder. Love her better. I just want to do what I can but I understand she has to do her part as well.