Today

Austin TX

Description

Today I was released from life to wake up in a dream.. closed eyes become open, again, today life still doesn't seem real. 6am, I don't recall the last time I woke up feeling like myself. One of my thoughts, just like so many out there. "I need to get up & get ready for work. More is on my shoulders. Even if I can't walk with all these weight, I better crawl." 6:25am, I finally leave before 630, I should make it to work with time to spare. I miss you mom & love you. I still don't believe you're gone. I miss her too, God, if it was her that called from private number. Let her call me back. Please. I miss the only other person who actually cared about me. Who gave me strength to dig deep. 7:25am, I'm glad today is Friday. I have a busy next week & half. I hope I don't fail but I lost my will to care about anything anymore. The passion & pride I had in my work... I could careless. Emptiness fill my life now. No one sees me, they only see the past. Cause I don't even see me anymore, just my past. 12:15pm, lunch was ok. Once again I can't finish my food. God, I hope she calls me...if that was her yesterday. I hope everything just for once can go good. I'm tired of it being one thing after another. I don't know how my mom did it. I'm ready to give up...but my dad needs me, my sisters. I wish I could run away. I hate working here. The environment is so toxic and just daily stress I don't need if she wants to be in her pissy mood cause she's not good in her position. 3:30pm, I'm home.. she didn't call. I'm take a nap. Slow my myself from drifting further away. 7:00pm, first time in I can't remember, I'm out eating with family on a Friday evening/night. This is it, just us.. I really miss you momma. I remember the last time & other times I ate here with you. Why didn't I cherish it more. I'm ready to leave. 12:30am, I need fresh air. I need more space so my mind can be free... or see what freedom is. The sky looks so fake. Does she miss me? Does she think of me? I still love her... should I reach out? No, cause if she doesn't reply... my heart is already on its last life line. With my mind & thoughts close behind it. Out in the night.. nothing looks to be moving but everything is going. I'm moving but broken. "Life isn't short. Our appreciation for moments is. "