lousy players wanted for crummy wanker band

New York City NY

Description

you don't have to be talented or smart or possess a sense of purpose and efficacy. rehearsals are optional, drunk or sober. if you are prone to flaking out we will provide a non-judgmental safe space for you to do so. thus, there will be no need to send a last minute text message stating that you can't make it to rehearsal because woke up with a virus in your foot and can't walk to the subway. if you are a guitar or bass player please have a relic styled guitar that is artificially worn in so you can leave people wondering how someone can sound so terrible after putting so much playing time into an instrument. the singer should know how to argue that he or she was on key even though that wasn't the case. if playback is available he or she should school the other members that it was intentional artistry and it's okay to break the rules, like putting too many melody notes in the bar regardless of the time signature. also, please be one of those singers who plays 'some guitar' and expects cowboy chords strummed with just your thumb to fit every song and be prominently situated in the mix. masking musical incompetence, by way of lies and rationalizing will be encouraged as long as one member does not blame another for triggering blunders. additionally and more importantly, you must know how to argue about the musical direction of the band so we break up within two weeks. or we can go the usual route of attrition, various members quitting the band one by one because they don't like one song out of ten songs, even though the departing member is incapable of writing a better song (or any song) to replace the one song that is causing that person to experience an existential and artistic integrity crisis and subsequently quit and join a cover band where they can play songs with the parts already worked out for them, with exuberance and clumsy mediocrity. send a link or a file that demonstrates you've been playing for 10 or more years and still sound like a total beginner, regardless of how much money you've thrown at the musical instrument industrial complex.