Band Seeks Compliant Drummer

Anchorage AK

Description

Hello everyone, we have a band that we believe is one of the best of the many MANY cover bands out there and we require a new drummer because the last one, and the 12 we had before him, didn't do what we told them to do. We move through drummers so much because we believe drummers to be replaceable parts that require no respect or dignity. Anyone can bang on things, right? However...We would like someone who is overqualified for the position and is a perfect little angel in the eyes of god. We require that you comply with our selfish and thoughtless regulations regarding personal decisions and how you spend your free time. We cannot be bothered with the usual musician struggles because we are above that...somehow. We're all semi-pros who are marginally decent at our instruments and we understand that we live in Alaska where the pickings are slim, but we still demand that you be top notch talent and hyperdisciplined. Last but not least, turn over your entire personal life, including all contact info, while we sit here and gorge on the replies like gluttonous beasts finishing off the carcass of their kill, because we've decided that you get no benefit of the doubt due to our inability to be patient and understanding. We expect you to come in and immediately be show worthy because we are stupid and signed a bunch of shows without having a solid lineup ready.. We don't need to sift through the mud to find the gold, we're just gonna blast for platinum and diamonds, but all we have to offer is aluminum. We know we're being drama queens but we don't care. We demand top level talent even though we are not top level ourselves. Also, don't criticize us or you might be called condescending and then told not to quit your day job, because we don't give two squats about people, we just want another drummer that we'll replace again in 3 months when we get tired of you and your shenanigans. Please look up Locomotion online to learn literally everything about us...how we handle personal relationships, how many members have come and gone, how long the band has been together and how it formed, why we need a drummer right now, how we respond to sarcasm and humor, our musical talents, collaborative ability and desires...apparently you can obtain all of said info by vetting us online. Thanks a lot everyone, please now form an orderly line and our next available representative will be with you as soon as they can. Disclaimer: This is a fake ad. If you didn't get that then I feel sorry for you.