Happy Birthday Aug 2

Sacramento CA

Description

Happy Birthday, LK. I think about you everyday but for some reason I just can't bring myself to open that door again. I miss you so much but I just don't know how to function around you. You still call or text me once in a while over the last 2 years. I never really felt that important to you but why do you keep calling? Why do I have to keep wondering how you really feel about me? The reaching out tells me I mean something to you genuinely and yet I've never heard anything of the sort come from your mouth. I stay away because I don't want to be hurt and I just want to be understood. I want to understand you too. The few times I tried to open up and be vulnerable with you, you threw it in my face and mocked my flaws of being sensitive. How am I supposed to feel safe with a person who does that? I've been through a lot of shit that made me the way I am, including the person who pushes people away at the first sign of trouble. I'm working on this. I would love nothing more than to be able to have you and keep you in my life. I would love to be your person and have you be mine. I think the scariest thing is that we won't be the people we think we are together and then what? We now know we wasted years wondering if we lost "the one" only to find out we were never that in the first place. And the sense of losing hope really stings. Its been so long since I've seen your face or heard your voice and yet I can still hear you and see you in my mind. Loving you from afar has been the best I can do. I have no idea what will make me take the leap with you again. I thought it would be your birthday even tho you never remembered mine. I hate to say it but I feel like the only way I will talk to you is if you're right there in front of me. I hope you had a great and safe birthday. I really hope we can learn how to communicate one day. Love, LQ