Weird Place but looking for guidance

New York City NY

Description

Hi, Just been having a hard time ; i guess like a lot of us. I'm 26 years old. I'm a daughter, a sister, a mom. Not the best at any of them. I think I have some mild depression but with good reasons. I still live at home, we don't have a bed so we sleep on the floor - yes we've done the inflatable bed but it keeps popping!... My mom and even myself have a bit of a hoarding problem but it's not trash there's just not a lot of room. Nyc apparentments are boxes. It's a lot of us, i had my own room but gave it to my brother who's 19 now but only because he was going to college. He didn't but is working and might move for work but it's not like i want to wait for my room back ( 2bed room appts - i have the " livingroom")... sigh. I want my own place, my own home, my own kitchen, my own cleaning if that makes sense.... I have a son he's 5, doesn't talk tho. He doesn't want to and I try but he'll scream and that's not helpful for anyone. He was supposed to have a therapist but Covid hit when he qualified for the free program. Now it can be up to $4000 a session - like what ;_; But he will be going to kindergarten. He's a sweet boy and I know that's what all parents say but he really is gentle but doesn't let anyone push him around, i love that. Even tho he can't talk he will defend you and himself. Of course he's still 5 so of course he'll be a pain in the butt but even then he fills my heart with joy. I'm not a lazy person or at least i wasn't ; covid really pushed me into a hole that i willingly fell into and now I'm having a hard to climbing back. I was supposed to go to classes to be a nurse. I wanted to provide for my family. 10 days before my first day I got bell's palsy ( triggered by stress ) and couldn't even talk or see from the pain and muscle drooping stiffness. It took me a year to heal, March came and covid hit. We were okay ; still are ! So I've been very unemployed. My hubby is amazing, has been my side for the past 6 years and have known each other since elementary :) He does MMA, has a consistent income so we do get by but obviously me working would help ! Living is expensive -_-, he doesn't have the best credit but has improved we are close to hitting 600 ( He helped a brother and the brother screwed him over left him in debt. We just became debt free ! ) so hopefully god willing hopefully we can have a place of our own soon. A home, our own space... I'm a dreamer... ~*