we've got the same reason but somehow yours is different

Portland OR

Description

not sure really what to do. its pointless to talk to you about how I feel or anything that I'm going through or just anything in general really. If I do you just say it's not true or blow it off and tell me I got everything then I ever wanted and if I try to explain to you the difference you just seem not to care or think I'm just making it up or something I don't really understand. Anyways, I wish that you would take what I say for what it is as opposed to what you think it is it makes no sense that you do that but you always do and it leaves me hanging without a clue. What I bring to this relationship or what I have brought to this relationship or what I could bring to this relationship will never be scene in time to matter it's almost gone already or the actions that I put forth have almost run their course. I may not have my business firm much longer now it's almost inevitable that it will end my house that I have I'm barely now holding on to. I have this house to be a home for us but all you do is make excuses as to why that isn't going to happen so why I hold on to it I don't know and even if I wanted to I'm not sure that I can hold onto it now. I've wanted to have a life with you and be a family and be happy and what not you claim to want the same but whenever you're faced with the offer of it you turn it down or create some weird conflict that goes nowhere and set us back and yet I continue to try and offer something else because whatever the other thing was wasn't good enough I guess I'm not sure but yet I've stepped back done things a different way gone a different route and again approached the situation and it's never good enough or I don't know. It has now all come down on me harder than I can take it I don't know what to do I don't know how to feel I'm not sure that I can do anymore because once I've lost these two things I will have nothing. I don't want to live alone I don't want to be alone and you say you do want to be alone or you want live separately and not together but be together and that doesn't make any sense that just means to me that you want to be able to gallivant around and do your own thing and those things would be the things that you shouldn't do if you are just with one person and that's not what you want as far as I've come to the conclusion of that. I mean why else would anybody want that and not the other thing or and why would you say you want that and then went offered that it ends up being this and it makes no sense. The conclusion that I've come to make sense with that scenario and that being the case. All of that breaks my heart ultimately miss how I found you ultimately and then now it's that's who you were and that's just what you want to be and you know if you need attention from more than one person or whatever it is or if I'm I don't give you enough attention or I don't know what it is and you can as far as I'm concerned you want to be with multiple people and your actions and your mannerisms and the way you go about saying things and the things you say they all point to that lifestyle or that idea and otherwise you would do what you say you want to do but you don't do what you say you want to do you create excuses and reasons to not do those things you say you want to do which you know are the things that I want to do but in all reality it's nothing to do with you so I don't know if I should just be through with you. Something needs to happen because I've come to the end of my rope my everything I've got is about to slip through my fingers and then I'll have not you not a job not my house and it's all because I've tried to constantly in continually give to you and be for you and do for you but it's never enough for you and it's nothing made or anything that you want to do.