oh how my heart hurts I just miss you so

Redding CA

Description

once again I find mysef up until wee hours of the night wishing so bad I had my best friend to talk to, but I can’t I need to wait until you reach out to me because I domt want yo make you amgry again for blowing up your phone and definitely dont want to be accused of harassment yet i have so much I want to tell you and share what i have realized during this time apart. i constantly find myslef womdering of you ever miss me too and if you dont then i ask myself how can you not miss me. i feel like our friendship has alwqys been special and weve always had a good connection with eachother since day one amd there hasnt been one day since we meet thay I didnt value my friendship with you and i mever took for granted how lucky I was to have you in my life. i csnt help but to feel self shame and comstantly feel angry with myself thinking that I failed you as a friend and what ever I did I did something wrong enough for you to so easily end our friendship. Ive now had time to reflect on things and I feel so much shame towards myself in the way I acted I acted the way I did because i was upset and couldnt understand how you could so easily throw away what I thought was a good and true friendship we had. you were what I conaidered to be my best friend there was nothing I felt that I needed to hide from you and nobody could bring me comfort by jusy simply being there as a friend for me to talk to. i miss so much having you to talk to I prayed to God today that I can have my best friend back soon because its so hard going from talking to you just about every day to not knowing how to contact you let alone being scared to evem to contact you out of fear of making you mad. I have so much to say to you and I did message you earlier on a random mumber and I’m sorry I just was missing you and wanted yo tell you sorry for the things ive done and any pain i caused you, in additoon to those texts and because I haf a more depth apology to say I wrote on paper an apology, 4 pages long, I cant wait for you yo actually talk to me where I can hear your voice and we can discuss this and hopefully re kindle our friendship and move foreward. ive realized how much i Value having you be a part of my life and how much of a positive impact you have on my life and I thank you much for that. I love you so much,’ill always be your biggest supporter and my love for you will always be unconditionall. i just hope you find your way back to me sooner than later for my heart sits heavy thinling that I failed you as a friend. I love you AS you have such a beautiful heart dear and you truly amaze me in everything you do. the day that I can hear for voice cannot come soon enoug. much love ❤️💚💛 MP