To the young woman who's boat was engulfed in flames,

Madison WI

Description

I am here to exonerate my dear friend Karlin from any misconceptions you may be harboring after your extraction from the lake. My name is Sarahjane and I'm the one who smacked your sodden rump. Vessel very much afire, you all had swum a great distance from harm's way and as you were pulled from the lake and lay heaving on the dock, I was so relieved that you and your friends were safe(ish) - that you and the other girl were out of the water, alive, breathing, conscious...that I smacked your thicc ass. It was a victory smack. It was the kind of smack you give, for example, to a horse who has finished a strenuous race - one who did good. You had done good. Good girl. Karlin is a rare gem among men who would never be so presumptuous as to handle a woman like that. I may have had ahold of you, but it was he who evacuated you from the inland sea with his incredible gorillaesque strength. He is single, by the way. We are all sorry that your evening ended the way it did.