writing is like chips

Portland OR

Description

it has been months and months since things ended between us. i feel so embarrassed about how i behaved at the end of the fling and i feel bad about some of the expectations i had for you, knowing you weren’t doing well. looking back i worry that you might have felt like you weren’t giving me enough even though you were doing a lot to come see me nearly every week. the last time i felt truly happy in someone’s company was with you. maybe it doesn’t help you found me after the pandemic began and saw me through the fires, and my traumatic upheaval from my living situation. but regardless i felt loved and accepted in your company unlike i’ve felt around anyone. i miss our banter, and i miss being close to you. i’ve seen four or five people since we ended things and each one made the hole you left more pronounced. you’re incredibly funny and talented. i trust you’ll go on to do great things. i know i wasn’t super great to be with and was neurotic around you. you said you wanted to be friends. i wish we still were. anything would be better than being shut out completely. i dream of you often. and even there you’re never happy to see me. i blocked everyone who knew the both of us to try to help with the pain and nothing has worked. i hope you heal. i hope i do too. either that or we come back together someday. hopefully sooner than later. bs iii esq.