Mood elevation

Detroit MI

Description

I'm still mourning the loss of my friend. He didn't get to say goodbye, and I've been lost in my own mind trying to find anyone that would remind me of him. I began connecting with people who were nowhere near his personality. Completely opposite people, ages older and simply too different. Not one of them had 1 single relation. Not even their birth month. Not their age Not their gender Not their professional work Not even their hobbies. Nothing. I am looking for a volunteer to just talk to me every once and a while as a friend. I'm moving soon and I just think it will be right that I leave feeling like I was given some closure. I was hurt when he apparently wrote his wishes after his death and shocked that he did not want me to attend his funeral. That was the first time I ever heard about something so horrible and cruel. I don't understand why he chose to wait until after his death to leave me here to question why I deserved such an awful departure. It's been several years and nobody in the world can relate. Everyone says it must feel awful, to specifically feel so hated and lied to after a lifetime of friendship. I don't care what his mind was thinking but for him to deny me the right of letting him leave my life peacefully has broken me apart inside and no therapist no psychiatrist or any other mental health professional can help. In fact, all of them are clueless how to help, these particular circumstances are unheard of and nobody can understand why someone so important to me decided to leave me in this world all alone wondering why I'm not good enough to sleep at night with peace of mind. I can't eat or sleep I can't even think. His death destroyed my entire life and I did nothing to ever hurt him. He was so important to me, and I don't know what to feel anymore.