We keep missing the big picture and so we'll never find the connection we seek

New York City NY

Description

For me it started when i was a young boy. I saw how happy they was together and I saw good in it. Then I started school and I was so shy and quite. Girls in school use to call me ugly a lot and it been like that since then up to high school. I then hook up with a girl that was not my type, but it been forever since I started school and I never had a girlfriend. So now up to this point in my life I felt girls was disrespectful, judgmental, materialistic, immature, selfish and mean. With my first girlfriend I was the fool as she lies, cheat and steal when i was nothing but ture to her despite her not being my type of girl I had in mind for a girlfriend. We broke up and I move on to the next relationship that was a long distance relationship which lead to me being catfish by the first girl I hook up with. I ended that relationship because I never meet the girl and I was feeling frustrated with the relationship. Then I found her. A asian girl that went to the same high school as me. I like her a lot and she was more then just my type, she was just my type to the tee. By this time I had never experience real love for another. I loved her so much I wanted to be better, but I was inexperienced with life and my heart wanted more. I cheated. I hated myself for falling into a foolish predicament. I was wrong and i lost the greatest think that happened to me. Ever since I never been at that same level of affection for anyone. Ever since then I find it hard to trust people. The last relationship I had in 2019 was the result of what I had been through with girls I was involved with. Every time she did something I didn't like I ignored her to the point I told her im done with her. Now i write this because I'm not the only one that going through it. A lot of you seek something real but you aren't real with yourself so you seek approval from thirsty liers only to turn into the problem rather the solution.