Letting yourself down

Carteret NJ

Description

I never expected. I didn't even know this was a feeling. I've seen my friends, my family, people I was closest to leave this world forever. some went fast unexpected, my grandparents not so much luck they each went slow, it's agonizing watching the person who cared most about you cry out in pain and knowing that there is not a fucking thing you can do to help. Even through all that my grandfather still just wanted to help me. One of the last things he said: he told my dad to make sure I got the good 8track player he bought. I had to hear about that after he was gone. I wasn't there. I went to work. I think every single person told me to take the day off. Both parents, my boss, coworkers, friends I didn't listen. It was an hour and a half drive each way and since I threw a rod through the block of my car a few weeks before I borrowed his little dodge omni. My mom called me and told me I needed to leave work now. I had the pedal pressed to the floor the entire way home but that little red slug refused to go any faster. By the time I arrived I was to late. I never said goodbye, I never told him that I loved him. Never had the chance to show him the man I became a man he would have been proud of. But the truth is he was always proud of me even when I was at the bottom he would tell me what I needed to hear then show me that no matter what he would be happy to call me his grandson. He taught me so much about so many things, he taught me how to think how to figure it out you can teach a monkey how to rebuild a carburator but if he doesnt understand why it's failing to begin with then what are you hear for? some problems in life have no easy answers so The stimptums won't go away until you find the root cause and treat that. After that everything else will fall in line behind. Not a day goes by that I don't use the skills I learned from him. I come from a long line of great men. Only time will tell what the future holds. But reaching for the stars is so much easier when you can stand on the soldiers of giants.