Misguided Hope

Albuquerque NM

Description

Okay. Compassion and care lacking. Got it. I’ve fought long and hard for this and realize you’re not only unhealthy for me, but generally, not a very kind person. No matter how much I “realize your worth” or fix every single thing you are upset with me for, or offer to address any issues, no matter how many tools or how much work, nor how many sacrifices, it will always wind up like this. One way I know this isn’t our cycle (other than years of therapy to convince me it isn’t my fault)—I stay understanding of you consistently. I’m consistently concerned about your well-being. I don’t hate you, make fun of you, or speak poorly of you to my friends and family. I acknowledge every bit of change and every small piece of work you take. I’ve stayed supportive of whatever helps you to be better. I’ve been here even after some very tough stuff and historically been willing to forgive and work through. I’m tired of being understanding though. There’s nothing that says to me that you want or deserve that from me. You don’t afford it to others and my heart is tired. I asked for closure. It’s such a simple concept and requires so little of you but allows me so much. That you won’t do that says worlds about your character to me. I’m tired of attributing features to you you show time and time again not to have. It’s one thing to be accidentally hurtful. It is another to intentionally perpetuate it. It’s okay to need time to tend to you. No amount of reasons I can be understanding of make the way you’re doing this okay. I knew to prepare for you splitting me from the start. I just trudged ahead to it willingly.