By the river

commercial st, South Portland ME

Description

My feelings for you flowed the way a river does Controlled by the weather, but only in part. Always moving, always there, often overpowering and seldom calculated Though gradually the memory of your face, your scent, your favorite color and the expressions you would use fades, when I think back to our time together I can feel it all as if I was still there. I can hear your voice, I can feel the anticipation, the fear, the confusion, the comfort and the depth of what it felt like to love you. When it ended, the changes within my heart were frantically met with reasons conjured up by an anxious mind. I couldn't understand why I was doing it, and I gave you reasons but deep down I didn't understand where the pain was coming from, I felt only that the currents were to strong, I felt that I couldn't hold on to what I couldn't keep. The thing about loving someone, really loving them, is that the pain of the loss never really goes away. It just fades, it becomes the quiet hum of the radiator, it becomes an icy breeze on your walk home, it becomes dust in the corner of your bedroom. The heartbreak of knowing that what you shared with someone is gone, that you are strangers once again, that the rest of their life will happen and you will never kiss them goodbye or ask them how their day is going, that never really goes away. It just gets easier, nostalgia quiets down, and the reality that nothing lasts forever begins to set in, more in a genuine and comforting way than in a devastating way. A part of me will always be with you, by the river, on a sunny day in a different lifetime.