To Old Friends

Seattle WA

Description

Hello old friend. And I mean old as in...old...like you’ve made your way around the sun many times, haha. Well, at least I think I’m funny. So today seemed like a good day to leave this here. I’m not sure if it’s something I want to make apart of my day again but it’s here. The thing is, it brings me joy to connect with you. I do my best to make choices to live in ease, but just knowing you will read this gives me a distinct feeling of joy that is only felt in my heart for you. So the way I see it, you can never really have too much of that when possible, right? I’ve learned that ego gets the loudest just before it catches on to your verge of a breakthrough. It doesn’t want to get drowned out and cast aside for something new, it wants past conditioning on repeat until the record has no grooves. Mine has been loud lately and I guess I’m trying to guide it through the safety of showing yourself. If it shakes you up a bit you’ll eventually settle in again, with a new shape. There have been several times I’ve wanted to tell you something, but in light of not writing a novel at this moment, I’ll tell you this for now... On Inauguration Day, I watched all of the festivities surrounding a peaceful, hopeful, practical, loving man of the people being sworn in. No chaos, no drama things flowing, an uneventful glorious event. I was emotional even, so grateful the right man was stepping into this role to be our country’s leader. I breathed in relief. But I quickly grew bored of this normalcy. In the back of my mind all I could think about were the possibilities stirring in Trump’s world that I could peer into on another channel. Was he having a parade? What happened when he left the White House? Did he get his armed forces farewell salute? What was he saying? What antics am I missing that will peek my misguided interest and satisfy my need for rousing entertainment? I wanted to bail on this commonplace ceremony and search for something that provoked a pumping in my blood. And then I started to feel shame and guilt for my curiosity of him, for feeling like he would be more exciting to witness than the decency trying to reintroduce itself to the country. And it made me feel like I was a bad person, like there was something wrong with me because my choices were on the wrong side of my moral opinions. I realized in this moment I was a battered and abused American caught up in the whirlwind of chaos and dysfunction that a narcissistic president brought into my existence. And although my ties to this situation are lacking in time and intimacy, the awareness of my unconscious feelings and thoughts were startling, destabilizing, shocking to me. I know this is barely a toenail on the scale in which you stand, but I just wanted to share that I’ve never stopped trying to uncover ways to understand you...long story...long. My feeling is that this will find you well. You are one of the strongest humans I know and I have no doubt that you are steadily rising again.