Alexander Hamilton, a Father of Our Country, Loses Kids to CWS

Eureka CA

Description

(New York/Dumboldt News Service) Alexander Hamilton (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Hamilton), Father of our Country, was taken into custody today for Domestyc Violynce after He was accused of Confronting & Assaulting one Maria Reynolds (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Reynolds), a local Harlot and Town Drunkard. Evidence provided by Songwriter Lin Manuel Miranda (https://genius.com/Lin-manuel-miranda-say-no-to-this-lyrics) was turned over to Authorities, proving beyond the shadow of a Doubt that Mr Hamilton DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF THE WORD 'NO', and that he repeatedly Sexually Assaulted Ms Reynolds, forcing her into act after act of VILE Prostitution, refusing to even let her leave his Rooms, and viciously Assaulted & Battered the Innocent Harlot when She tried to tell other Harlots and Her Pymp about the VILE predicament Mr Hamilton had Deliberately Ensnared her within (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamilton-Reynolds_sex_scandal). Contacted at her father's home in northern New York state after being served papers by Ye Olde Childe Welfarre Servyces, Alexander Hamilton's wife, Elizabeth Schuyler-Hamilton (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabeth_Schuyler_Hamilton), expressed confusion as to why YOCWS needed to take all eight of her Children into Custody, insofar as none of them was in contact with her Husband - and fainted when told that She was also suspected of VILE Domestic Abuse, insofar as she was married to an VILE & Accursed Abuser, and that the Children would need to be examined by Religious Authorities, to insure that They had not been participants in any VILE Satanic Rytuals (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_satanic_ritual_abuse_allegations). The eight Children have been distributed to eight separate foster homes scattered around the State of New York, to insure that they are safe from Evil Inflyences and cannot Communicate with one another while they undergo Ritual Ecclesiastical Examination (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch-hunt). Ye Olde Childe Welfarre Servyces Supervysor, Aaron Burr (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Burr), insisted that he and his large staff of Trollops were merely enforcing Ye Olde Law and that their actions were not in any way informed by a Malicious Spirit of Retaliation, although he did acknowledge a history of personal disagreements with Mr Hamilton. Mr Burr characterized Mr Hamilton as VILE - and, also, 'too smart for his own good'.