I didn't realize I was stringing you along

Philadelphia PA

Description

I see that I was now. I was feckless and never told you how I really felt, and as much as I blamed you, me keeping it bottled up and only waiting til it was already over to try and tell you how I felt was a huge part of the problem. It's been easy to point out and apologize the obvious mistakes I made, but the smaller ones along the way like not always being present, reacting to things but not sharing how I felt or why I reacted a certain way, my own inconsistency, they were the same things that I was frustrated about by you, I just did it in less obvious ways and it doesn't matter what my intentions were when the result was obviously negative. My intentions that I didn't acknowledge and wasn't fully able to see were to protect myself, and as much as I did care about you and genuinely like you I ultimately showed that I cared more about protecting my ego and my own fears of abandonment or rejection than risking being vulnerable with someone I liked. This is not as a self pity post (I'm fine) or attempt to get a response, it's not even intended to be an apology exactly, I just wanted to acknowledge those mistakes that I wasn't able to before (if you still read these) and validate some of what you were probably going through as a result of me