A Danbury Counselor Advises How Not To Screw Up Valentine's Day

Danbury CT

13 February, 2021

10:14 AM

Description

DANBURY, CT — As if the coronavirus hasn't messed up your life enough already, it now threatens to screw up the only good thing about February in Connecticut: Valentine's Day. The virus continues to drain bank accounts even as restrictions on your ability to earn a living ease, ever-so-slightly. That's a problem not only for your personal bottom line, but can be a game changer for the tousle-haired inamorata whose world you fill, for the moment. Dr. Bobby Kato, who runs Kato Counseling on Mill Plain Road in Danbury, is an expert on what makes couples tick, or explode. He says that Cupid's arrow may be responsible for getting a relationship off the ground, but it's the almighty Benjamin that keeps the li'l guy's quiver stocked and bow greased. "Some individuals might tie their relationship or love to finances," Kato said, "and finances are not as in abundance as previous years." Navigating the Valentine's Day snags and snares could be tough sledding for a couple at their most flush, let alone after the virus has lightened their purse. Steely-eyed shopkeepers and rascally restaurateurs, enterprise skills honed like razors by their own hard times, can spot a Valentine's Day pigeon from a block away. The spike in demand for roses in the middle of February will prompt many florists to jack their prices up more than double, according to Reuters. Those are ridiculous costs that we will more than happily pay, because when it comes to Valentine's Day, Americans still appreciate the classics. In 2021, we will gift our significant others with $41 billion in jewelry, $2 billion in flowers, and $2 billion in candy, according to personal finance website WalletHub. Two billion dollars worth of candy! That's a lot of jujubes, and more times than not, underappreciated by the giftee. Your perception of the importance of a Perfect Valentine's Day Experience may differ — wildly, wildly! — from that of your partner, Kato said. Fail to push the right buttons (which are often hidden, and then encrypted), and your adventure ends there. "'Maybe they don't care for me!'" Kato described the thought-gymnastics of your wrong-gifted paramour. "Or most importantly, 'I've seen them do bigger things for lesser occasions. What are they thinking?! Is there somebody else?'" Yikes. As if anyone could misjudge the intentions and emotional depth behind $2 billion worth of candy. Kato said that Valentine's Day is loaded with landmines even during non-plague years: "I have heard many clients complain that it's just a lot of pressure, and sometimes it can serve as the deciding factor of whether a relationship continues or ends." Then we let that pressure get to us, and the anxiety feedback loop causes us to fumble the ball even more. The key, Kato says, is to keep Valentine's Day expectations low, for yourself and your one-and-only. If your relationship is already on the rocks, but you are cruising along thinking that a big box of Godiva and a new expensive négligée will cure everything, you're probably in for a crash landing. Social media has made Valentine's Day worse, as it has everything else. So if you surprised your pre-pandemic valentine with a weekend in Aruba and Facebooked the Mai Tai-sopped experience for all of your adoring followers, and this time around you're counting on Domino's and Netflix to bring the magic with the new main squeeze, your current relationship is unlikely to end well. (Pro tip: purge your social media of any photos of your previous soul mate as soon as you've found the next one.) Kato provided Patch readers his expert suggestions on how not to blow it this Valentine's Day, and you'll be happy to know it will set you back a lot less than dinner at Dolce. "Put a defining price tag on what each other should spend," Kato said. "Make it something low: $10, $20." The counselor also had praise for couples who celebrated the day with just a card or by merely making a point of sharing breakfast. Important: Make sure you get the breakfast-sharing card cleared by your partner first before you play that in lieu of the three dozen roses. Trying to skate by with a "But on Patch, Dr. Kato said it was okay!" is just going to get us all in trouble. Kato Counseling is located on the second floor of 108 Mill Plain Road in Danbury.