re: What it's about

Philadelphia PA

Description

I don't know why I looked here. There were three messages that coincide with a timeline that are on point enough for me to say something. Mainly this one. I swear if this is YOU I don't know what to think. I want it to be you, I truly do. Every time I messaged you I felt like an annoying idiot but not as much of one as I feel now. Have you perhaps contemplated my emotional survival? Or, is everything about you and how you feel? You destroyed me every step of the way, but the way I feel about you is hard to kill. Trust me, I tried. You could have sent a message and ended it, all I was doing to get you to acknowledge me would have stopped. I know I am difficult, pushy, and I poke at things. Look here, I'm poking. I know I messed up but you wouldn't acknowledge my explanation or talk things through, it was all about what you wanted when you wanted it, it's as if even with everything I told you you felt like it would be easy. You who has far more experience than me kept me off balance and I was helpless. We knew each other far too long for you to treat me like you did. You're an adult, you should have used your words and been direct if you didn't want me. I may not have deserved better from a random stranger but I certainly deserved better from you. The truth is I love you, I miss you, and I want you to come home. I want to be with you. Nothing that happened changed that. If you were done, I just wanted you to have the balls to say it. Maybe then I could have gotten over you by now. I wasn't playing games. I wasn't playing hard to get, I'm just hard to get. Well, you got me. Then when I thought you were actually going to come back, after convincing myself time and again you were not, you vanished. I blamed the pandemic. Stupid me. If this is not whom I think it may be maybe try having a conversation with the person you miss, it would save a lot of heartache and bring closure.