Don't make the choices I have

Atlanta GA

Description

I am so so sorry. Just so sorry for the mistakes I’ve made. I’ve made a huge mess & backed myself into a corner. I don’t know how to get out. I so desperately want a clean slate, to start over again. To do better, make better choices and to help others in need. I just want this burden lifted from me before it destroys my life. While my kids were little, I stayed home with them. We tried to survive on one income. It was very difficult but it was important to me to stay home with my kids. I had run a daycare for over 10 years before I had my own kids & I just wasn’t going to do that to them, put them in daycare all day while I worked. For awhile I sold products from one of those direct sales companies to earn a few dollars. But that is where the trouble started. I had to open my own bank account & credit card for my business. And then buy some products that I just had to have. And it was downhill from there. A little purchase here, a little purchase there and it all spirals out of control. Sometimes it was because we didn’t have the money to provide some item for our kids; sometimes it was because I just had to have something. I thought I had it under control but of course I didn’t. I never told my husband, he still doesn’t know. And now there’s thousands of dollars in debt that I’m never going to catch up on. When I think about it I panic. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m so afraid, so so afraid. What am I going to do? What will happen when/if he finds out? I’m scared of his temper. He can get so angry. He’s never laid a hand on me, and don’t get me wrong, he’s a good man. He has worked hard all these years to provide for us and his mom. He loves us. But he has a bad temper. And he’s going to be so angry about this and he has every right to be. During all this time one thought had never occurred to me until recently. I’ve taken our marriage for granted. Everyday for the past 18 years I thank the Lord for my husband and my kids. I prayed I would not take them for granted. But now I realize that’s exactly what I’ve done by creating all this debt. I’ve taken our marriage for granted because now it could be ruined. My kids might have to go through their dad’s anger again all because of me. They’ve had to witness his anger over the years, and it scares them. My daughter doesn’t have a good relationship with him because of it. I don’t want to put them through this. They don’t deserve it. And something else that needs to be said is that he does try and work on his anger. He has tried and has done better for the past few years. Its never been like he flies off the handle all the time but when he has done it, its very scary for me and my kids. Sweet Jesus, please help me. Please erase this debt from my name. I’m scared. I’m scared for my marriage. I’m scared for my health with the stress I am under. I feel sick to my stomach. No one knows about this, I haven’t told a soul. I want so badly to do this over, to clear this, move on and help others. Oh my God what have I done??? Make a message out of your mess. So that’s what I’m doing. Maybe I can help someone else from making the horrible mistakes I’ve made. Don’t put yourself in debt because you just have to have that designer handbag, that shirt, that vacation. Trust me, its not worth it at all. Thank you for reading. God bless you.