Togetherness

Fort Lauderdale FL

Description

"Marry the one that buys you bananas.” I know that sounds weird. Why bananas? Why not a person that buys you flowers? Or jewelry? Or that stupid watch you want? I will tell you why. Because when you’ve been together for a while, you go through a lot of s*** together. And sometimes it can make or break you. Circumstances that test your patience and trials that test your love. Not things that test how much you love, but how you give your love. Your time. Yourself. “Togetherness” is a partnership. It’s a see-saw. If both people aren’t moving together, it doesn’t work. There are sacrifices you must make. That you both *must* make. There is understanding and patience and acceptance. A lot of acceptance. And sometimes that acceptance will be in the form of forgiveness. Accepting the differences between you, accepting that you will do the same thing in different ways, accepting of one another’s habits and quirks and little nuances that can sometimes drive you crazy, and accepting that you are each unique individuals with your own strengths and weaknesses, talents and gifts. And with acceptance, comes unconditional love. And that is the love upon which families are built. Sometimes you will both be running on empty, without a date night in sight. Evenings may usually consist of a quick kitchen clean up and early turn in for bed. Recently, I sent my partner a grocery list for the ride home because the day was tough and I didn’t get a chance to go. About forty minutes later I realized we were out of bananas. I called to ask if they could grab them also. 'Are you sure we don’t have any?' their voice sounded tired. 'No,' I snapped back feeling upset they would even ask that question. Why would I take the time to call if I wasn’t sure? “Please don’t forget them before you check out. Goodbye.” By the time they got home it was later than I anticipated. The kids were wild and I was mentally spent and frustrated by their delay. In they finally come with the groceries, but the bananas were in a different store bag. 'Why are there two different bags?' I asked. 'I was already checked out when you called. I wanted to get home early because I know you had a tough day. So I had to make another stop because I know we need them.' And that’s when my anger subsided and my guilt set in for getting frustrated. I gave them a hug and with a kiss on the forehead, we didn’t need to speak the words…they knew I was sorry and I knew they’d forgiven me. You see, every night my son on the spectrum has a banana. It’s just part of his routine. So to be out of bananas causes utter meltdowns. We both know this. So they made the extra stop. They did it because that’s love, because we both care, and we both feel the consequences. Our ways of loving and caring may be different at times, but that’s what makes us a team. And over the years, we’ve learned to accept this in one another. Marriage and togetherness isn’t just about flowers and grand gestures. It is so much more than that. Marriage is weathering storms together, big storms. It’s being a shoulder to cry on when a parent dies. It’s hand holding in silence on the couch after a long day. It’s about finding a way to connect, even if that connection is a simple smile from across the room, crowded or otherwise. And sometimes, it’s saying you’re effing sorry anyway. And sometimes, love is about buying the bananas. So marry the one that goes out of their way for you. The one that catches the door before it hits you in the ass. The one that shows you in their own way how well they’ve bothered to know you so they can love you better. The one that tries to surprise you by getting home early to help with something you would’ve dreaded coming home to, even though their day was equally as tough as yours. Marry the one who buys you bananas. I promise you that you won’t be disappointed.